July 25th, 2009

Goggles 6


I don't update often.

I don't like updating.

I never have anything good to say ever.

Chances are, this is little better.

I honestly feel like I've been regressing in pretty much everything. Since I graduated high school, I can't honestly say I feel like I've accomplished anything. And for the record, I graduated more than just a little while ago. I forget which year I graduated, so let's just say 3, because I don't really care how long it's been.

Man. I fucking hated high school, but at least I had some small structure in my life. Wake up, curse for an hour while getting ready, spend a ton of money on McDonalds each day because it was next door to the school and we could all smell when something was being cooked. Rinse, repeat.

When I look at my huge list of accomplishments since then, I have maybe 5 things that come to mind..

I finally got an x-box. Not the 360, I couldn't afford one. Just the regular one. I beat like 5 of the games so far, which is uncommon, normally I'm great at a game until the last boss, which is when I apparently become retarded and lose all ability. But the thing about the x-box is.. I've beaten a couple of games completely by accident. Halo 2, Brotherhood of Steel, etc.

I finally won at bingo a sum over 100$. I spent it all in about a week. Back to being poor for me.

I got a tablet and started using it. At least when my room pc lets me. It hasn't worked for more than a few seconds this week. I really should get around to fixing it.

I made a third space marine army. Well that bingo money wasn't going to spent itself. Seriously, games workshop, the people that make those models must have coated each with cocaine or something. I have like.. 2000 models or thereabouts. I could have bought a car.

I have somehow managed to damn near completely isolate myself socially. I suck at being social, but I've managed to get down to new lows. I think maybe 3 people still talk to me on a semi-regular basis, and that's about it.

But you know what? Fuck all that. The natural thing to do when your any kind of success is to end up regressing. The phrase 'the idle rich' is a perfect example of that. I am far from rich, and about 3 tacos away from being bankrupt. I only rest on my laurels because I don't know what to do. If life were a videogame I'd know what to do, but it isn't. Life is like the Sims. You just keep doing stuff until you fall over dead. I hated that. At least the Urbs you could win.

I need purpose. I need desires. I need to do things again. I need to turn the regression into progression.

I just have no idea how.